It’s not for the content - it’s for the company
Trying to make friends online is like shopping for a soul mate at a yard sale. Sometimes you find a gem, sometimes it’s just mold and regret. Is there a better, and simple, way to socialize online?
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’” - C.S. Lewis
I’m a hermit, always have been, so isolation me are kinda old friends.
I mean, at this point, we’re frenemies.
I can survive - even thrive, honestly - with some good ol’ solitude. But the desire for human connection (which, according to psychologists, is more of a need, but what do they know) can sneak up on me.
Like most hermits, I turn to the internet when I want to make friends. I work remotely, live in a small town - not exactly buzzing with opportunities. But even when I lived in the city, the quickest way to meet people was still online.
Hold on, it gets worse.
I got to Reddit.
Before you judge me and my life decisions (which, I mean, fair), let’s do a quick pro/con list.
👍 Pros:
It’s text-based. It’s easier to catch people’s vibes and share my own through words. Not a perfect system, but better (for me) than surfing selfies on Instagram.
Subreddits just make communities way easier to find and interact with.
There are whole subreddits just for meeting people. It’s a serial killer’s wet dream, sure, but if you’re careful (and have low expectations 🤷♀️), it works. Surprisingly.
👎 Cons:
It’s… Reddit.
In my experience, online interactions have been pretty standard. There are the awkward ones where the conversation fizzles ‘cause we don’t click. There are the perfectly nice and normal ones… and the conversations still fizzle ‘cause we don’t click. And there are the aggressively inappropriate or rude ones that make both our day just a wee bit worse.
But sometimes… there’s bestie potential.
Cue the gameshow music! 🎉
We’re back with another episode of Bizarre Online Moments!
Behind Door #1: He’s funny, chatty, laidback - until I dare to set a boundary, then all of a sudden, he can’t wait for me to die alone. Charming!
Behind Door #2: He might be sweet and honest, but he also wants to wife me up after 48 hours of knowing me and has a full-blown tantrum when the answer is, shockingly, no!
Behind Door #3: Uses AI to message me for him. Wait, what.
Socializing online has numbed us to truly bizarre interactions that would be totally unacceptable in real life, I swear.
But I digress.
The truth is, no matter where you try to make friends as an adult - online or in real life - it’s very often a total minefield. Even in-person is wildly hit or miss, and I get why so many people throw in the towel, no matter how deeply they may want some human connection.
The bright side is that the internet exists. I mean, let’s be real, it’s a big part of the whole problem (or rather, how we use it is part of the problem), but it’s evolving. Through the growing pains, I think there’s hope.
A tiny smidgeon of hope, but still.
I picture the internet as a world like any other in the solar system. In this world, there are different countries (X, Instagram, ya know, all the platforms) and cities - fashion, politics, religion, culture, topics that have whole communities built around them. And people’s personal accounts are their houses, business accounts are, well, businesses.
The visualization might sound confusing, but it’s the only way I can make sense of social media, okay 😂
Anyway, people’s houses (social media accounts) can be full of anything they want. We decorate our accounts like we decorate our real, physical homes. We fill them with things we think are important or just plain pretty, and we invite people in to take a look-see.
I quit existing online last year, but I’m dipping my toe back in the water by building a house I can fill with my interests and projects. It’s my way of saying, Hey, neighbour, this is me in a nutshell - wanna hang out? Because by showcasing my genuine passions and beliefs, I believe that I can attract like-minded people. And some not-so-nice people, like that one neighbour in real life who sneers at me every time I take my dog for a walk past his place.
But if I can handle Redditors, I can handle that.
My theory, basically, is Build it, and they will come.
Making an account, filling it with things that reflect who you are, and interacting with others in your chosen community, all with authenticity as a priority, sounds like an oversimplified way to meet people. And it is. It takes time, but I found it takes time to try making friends in person, too. Patience is a virtue for a reason. Either way, the only way I found this ~social strategy~ to be even remotely enjoyable is by following really basic rules:
⭐ Safety first. No exceptions. When you meet someone sketch, you block and move on. You don’t overshare or spill personal details like, I don’t know, your home address. I’ve had to scrub myself from the internet once already. Never again. Stranger danger doesn’t stop being a thing just because we’re grown, y’all.
⭐ Keep it low pressure. This isn’t about going viral, it’s about making it easy for kindred spirits to find you by making your presence known in a really authentic way. Remembering this makes it easier to avoid a lot of what makes social media stressful - the obsession with follower count, keeping up on every existing trend, etc.
⭐ Know your limits. If this starts feeling like pressure or performance, scale it back and/or take a break. The goal isn’t content - it’s connection.
“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help.” - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Human connection is a beautiful thing. Meeting people online isn’t the only way to do it, but we have the tools to make new friends on a literal global scale.
That’s pretty cool.
For now, I’m off to tidy up my little online home. Maybe post a sewing project on Instagram. Maybe not.
See you in the next letter.
God bless your day,
💛 Sunny
P.S. I’m curious - how do you meet people? Have your online experiences been trash fires (same), or have you found some true kindred spirits (also, same!)? Or do you just… go outside?? (Wild.)
Hit reply or drop a comment - I wanna hear your story!